5 PREREQUISITES FOR MARRIAGE

To study medicine in the higher institution in Nigeria, you are required to have credits in at least 5 important subjects; Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics and English. These subjects serve as the foundation for your intended course of study. They are the major science subjects, they seem difficult and challenging to most people. However, our ability to have a credit in this subjects show the possibility of our doing well in Medicine or any other science course in the University.

Similarly, there are 5 (Five) important prerequisites for marriage. These prerequisites have its basis on MATURITY. What is Maturity?

Maturity is a state where our minds have been fully and positively developed by our experience of life. Maturity has absolutely nothing to do with how old we are, how much degree we have obtained, how much skill we have acquired etc. maturity is based on our ability to use our experiences (Good or Bad) in a positive way to develop our mind fully. Most problems encountered in relationships and marriages are as a result of immaturity. The mind is not fully and positively ready for upgrade.

When I was in Secondary School, our population in my class was between 25 and 40. Our teachers know us by name hence we are well behaved. I understood what I was taught in class because I could easily get my teachers attention at any time and they are sincerely interested in us understanding the subjects.

My first lecture in the university brought me to tears. We were over a thousand in class, Students were blabbering and the lecturer cared less- he was just talking to himself. My passion to learn and the excitement of being in the University vanished like an ice thrown into a boiling water.

There was a need for me to learn how to stop depending on what I get from classroom alone- I learned to read my text books, handouts, and notes at home. Why? I needed to upgrade. I did not allow my experience give me justification to fail my courses.

What are the 5 (five) Prerequisites for Marriage?

PHYSICAL MATURITY

This is a visible or tangible form of maturity. We must be physically matured for marriage. Imagine a 12 year old getting married. She is not yet physically matured. In the Northern part of Nigeria, young girls get married and you realize that a number of them die at child birth. This is because she cannot yet endure the excruciating pain that comes with labor.

SPIRITUAL MATURITY

The physical is controlled by the spiritual. As long as we live we are at war. We will always be challenged and these challenges are mostly spiritual challenges. War is meant for soldiers. If you go to war as a farmer, teacher, motivational speaker etc. you won’t last long on the battle field. We must be spiritually ready for marriage. If you don’t mind the devil, the devil will mind you and look for your trouble. Job was minding his business when the devil poked nose into his matter (Job 1:6-12).  We must be spiritually ready like David to fight the Goliath sent to disrupt our marital bliss (1 Samuel 17:45).

EMOTIONAL MATURITY

According to Joshua Harris, Emotion is a physical expression of how we perceive the status of something we value. For Example, a child who wants to wear particular socks but couldn’t because it is dirty cries profusely while the mother feels he could easily wear another socks. For the child, he is upset while his mum is indifference about it. Anger, Joy, fear, gladness, and hatred are all combination of our perception and our values.

Joshua Harris said in his book ‘Boy meets Girl’ that;

‘In a relationship, if our values are godly and our perception of what we value is accurate, our emotions will be appropriate and healthy. But if either is out of sync with the truth, our emotions will be inappropriate and unhealthy. Our goal should be to be properly excited about what is really important.’

We must have emotional stability. Emotional stability is the ability to manage our emotions effectively. We will not always have everything we want. We have to learn compromise. Let us be like Mary who attached all her emotions to Jesus’ feet (Luke 10:38-41) because that is the only place where to find value.

MENTAL MATURITY

This is the state of the mind. We must have the right mindset about marriage. For example, some ladies believe that the husband should provide everything from the furnishing to the spoons in the house while she build her house behind his back while some men believe that the woman have just three functions- To cook his meal, To satisfy him sexually and To nurture his children.

What is common to these examples is the SELF CONSCIOUSNESS. Such mindset is wrong because the focus is not on God. It is only God that can change our mindset. Until we Know God, we cannot Love even our husbands or wives. It is only through the life Christ lived that we can learn what true love is. It will not be easy for wives to submit to their husband and husbands love their wife without them understanding what Christ did for the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Some people have developed mental maturity fault due to the experiences of people around them and earthly wisdom that they have acquired over time.

FINANCIAL MATURITY

This is the state of your wallet. Money is an important factor that cannot be neglected. A lot of marriages have gone down the drain because of financial issues. A man will leave is father and mother and be united to his wife… meaning that he will no longer eat from his mother’s pot and no longer live in his father’s house but will take a wife, get an apartment, put food on the table etc. he has to make a living. Even Jacob that did not have anything worked 14 solid years to earn his wives (Genesis 29: 15-29) He kept on working until he was rich enough to be on his own. Rebekah was not idle when Abraham’s chief servant saw her for Isaac (Genesis 24: 15- 19). Rachel was a Shepherdess (Genesis 29:9). If you speak in tongues but unable to provide for your immediate family, an unbeliever is better than you (1 Timothy 5:8). It is important to be matured financially before getting married. You don’t need to have everything you want but at least you must be independent financially.

If you have all these five categories of maturity, then you are good to go into marriage.

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